Our bills for Phillips appendectomy started to make there way in. More money that I don't have. One thing after another. When will something good happen. Trying to count my blessings but it seems harder as the days go on. I'm tired. Tired of being happy when all I want is Madilynn. Tired of bad things happening. Tired of trying.
I miss her.
I love her so much..
I started working to try get my mind off things but I'm pretty sure it's not working. People notice me and ask me if I'm Madilynns mom. My heart stops and my mind can only think about her. I love to talk about her but I just want her back. Days are hard because they are days without her. I see pictures of babies who were born around the same time and it breaks my heart how beautifully they are growing here with their mommies and mine is growing with Jesus.
I hate to question God on why he took her, why me. But I'm only human and I long for the answers. Why was she born with Anencephaly. Why do people who don't even want children or treat them like crap can have them left and right. Why do bad things happen to good people. Why her. What did I do so wrong to have her taken away.
I often think about these things but I know that I have to trust God. He knew all along what he was doing and had a plan for her long before I ever even thought about her. I just miss her. I miss her so much.
I thank God for my Michelle. My sweetheart who I adore. She is my biggest supporter. She knows exactly how to cheer me up and keeps me from giving up. At night she prays and tells God "thank you for my mommy" it melts my heart. She is a blessing, especially now when I need it most. My little love. She tells me she loves me more than candy (and then says that's a lot) lol.
Love. Laughter. Hugs and kisses. Just a few of my favorite things that she blesses me with. My light in all this darkness..
I love my girls always. I thank God for them. And I pray one day I will be reunited with my Madi Moo and she will take my hand and lead me to Jesus, Forever.
<3
