See you when I see you

Madi Moo,
Where do I begin? How do I find the words to express all these feelings and emotions? First of all I love you.
You are so amazing princess. You have done so much work here on earth and all you had to do was lay there and look cute. The words I write can never do your story justice but I've given it the best I can. As I laid your sweet empty body to rest today I couldn't help but question myself...did I hold you enough? Did I give you enough kisses? Did I shower you with enough love? I know I shouldn't question myself but I worry like any mama would do. I just tried to give you the best possible life on earth in the short time you had available. Everyone tells me that I'm an inspiration to them as what a good Godly mother is but little do they know you were the one who was the inspiration to me. You blessed me. Thank you for allowing me to be apart of your story baby girl. How am I not an emotional wreck? How is it I can still wake up each morning and not break down and cry my eyes out and find the closest Ben and Jerry's??
I know in my heart it's because you won't let me. I know God has his arms around me so tight that not even for one moment can the devil sneak in and try break me. I' have shed so many tears for you because I miss you more than anything but you are in the best possible place and that gives me peace. Never do I have to question where you are because I know exactly where you are. You are playing with Jesus and you are WHOLE! I could only imagine how beautiful you are, people thought you were beautiful on earth! That's nothing compared to your beauty in heaven. Just thinking about that gives me strength to keep living for God so that I may join you again and I know you will be waiting at those gates for me to take my hand and we will be together forever.
Not a moment goes by that I don't think about you. Everything I see is you. Everything I hear or smell reminds me of you. I lay down at night and hold the blanket we kept you wrapped up in, it still smells like you. I dread the day that smell fades. I can't help but just weep for you, for me and for everyone else who misses you. My darling baby who I now have to carry in my heart. It shouldn't ever be this way but God knows best and I trust him fully. He knew that you had a plan greater than I could of ever imagined and he knew those tiny perfect feet would never need to touch the ground so my kisses I left on them would never have to be washed off.
People keep telling me to keep my head held high but what they don't know is it can't get any higher because I am one proud and blessed mama. Girl you know the amazing job you did. How could someone not be proud and happy? Just knowing the lives you touched and then meeting the people you have touched....it is so amazing seeing so much joy in other people's faces because YOU did it. Such a beautiful story that I'm trying my best to write for you. I pray so much that God will help me with the things to say, the things i try put into words that makes sense. It is hard trying to express all these feelings.
When I'm alone is when things are most difficult. I can't lie and say that the pain isn't deep because it is. I feel like I haven't given sissy enough attention like she deserves and it makes things harder but I know her other family members are taking good care of her. Next week is Christmas and I really hope she will be happy because when my babies are happy mommy is happy. We wish you would of been able to spend Christmas with us but now you get to spend it with Jesus and I couldn't even begin to try imagine how awesome that is. It brings me so much joy seeing Michelle laugh and all her beautiful innocences. I'm glad you got some of her features because now I will always see you in her and it makes me so happy. I love my baby girls so much and I am so glad you blessed us for the 10 wonderful days. It was perfect and I wouldn't of changed a thing. We were all together, a family, all was right in those precious days you were here. Now we all hold you in our hearts and look forward to the day we are together again as a family. You will always live on through us baby and we will love you always & forever.