It's a girl

Where to begin...
My husband and I have had such a blissful life. We met, fell in love and on November 19th 2011 were married. It was only natural that our next step would be baby planning:) I already have a daughter from a previous relationship and wanted nothing more than to let her be a big sister. A few months went by and we were surprised to see a positive pregnancy test...it was only a short time. Not thinking anything could go wrong we didn't take pre vitamins. I mean I had a healthy daughter already.. It was super early to tell anything when we went to the dr, I was maybe 4 weeks along so we had to wait another month before we would hear that beautiful heart beat. My next appointment put us at 7 weeks and then 11 weeks. It all seemed to drag on so slow but the wonderful day was here... 6/28/2012 gender reveal! Boy or Girl pink or blue. Proud big sister wanted another girl and daddy like most wanted a boy but mommy just wanted all ten fingers and toes to be perfect . 17 weeks along and "it's a girl" needless to say I had a very excited 3 year old and a now over protective husband lol. We were so excited...and I was planning in my head all the amazing things we were going to buy and how we would decorate her room. All these thoughts rushing through my mind I never noticed that our ultrasound tech was having trouble scanning. She left the room and got our dr, then they both left and she came back in saying we needed to go to the hospital and get some scans there because their machines are better. So off to the hospital we go (across the street) I got a transvaginal scan and then the tech leaves the room....needless to say we were very confused at this point but never once thought about something being wrong. I just saw my baby girl on the screen and heard that beautiful heartbeat. We were told to go back to our dr office and when we walked in we were immediately told to sit in her office and she will be right with us.
She walked in, sat down and bam "your baby doesn't have a brain"
What??? Are you crazy lady I just saw my baby....she looked fine. It's impossible. How can you not have a brain? She's nuts....you don't know what your talking about. Oh my Gosh how can this happen. What am I'm going to do now. How will I explain this to Michelle. Why us. What did we do to deserve this. What happens now...
A million thoughts running through my head and all I could do is hold my husbands hand. I looked slowly at him and my heart was breaking for him. This is his first child. His first baby girl. All the things that he will never get to do with her. Of course he loves Michelle with his whole heart but he came into her life when she was turning two so he never got to experience the beginning years.
As the doctor continued to talk about what this was and how it happens all I could do was look off into "space" and replay in my head the fact she just told me my baby doesn't have a brain. I heard the word "anencephaly" and then heard incompatible with life. I don't think I have ever in my life tried so hard to hold back the tears and failed so miserably. I remember her handing me a box of tissues and then I hear the word "medical termination"
Your nuts lady!!' No way! I'm am cussing her out in my head at this point. I completely understand now the saying "don't shoot the messenger" or whatever it is. I know it's not her fault this is happening and I know she's just looking out for my best interest as her patient. She doesn't know me personally she just knows me "medically". If she did know me then she would of never brought up abortion..(now she does know me and is very supportive of what I choose) but in the beginning she was just being realistic and following statistics. Our sweet angel had just been given a death sentence that most doctors prefer to end before 20 weeks. After researching I understand now why they are pushy for that because only 5% of women carry a baby like this to term.
We left the dr office and (with the support of my husband pretty much carrying me out) had the unwanted but needed phone call to make to our mothers. First was my mom. (I had already text her and said it was a girl) so now it was telling her our baby, if she survived to term, would die after being born. All I could say was "mama the baby doesn't have a brain" I thought it came out fine (in my head I said it perfect, in reality not so much) I finally managed to calm down a bit and told her again. I'm sure you could imagine the reaction on the other end.
Next was Phillips mom. I watched him as he dialed her number and I heard the "hello" I guess that's all it took because he couldn't get a word out from the news finally hitting him, hard. I took the phone and explained to her what we were just told and that we were going to my moms house. It doesn't take long for bad news to travel through a family (or any news for that matter) so it was just a matter of moments before everyone in both our family's knew and the calls started to come in. We were both an emotional wreck but managed to make it to my moms house, and within 30 mins so did everyone else. It was a terrible day full of tears and "I'm so sorry"
I guess everything finally set in when we got home that night and had the dark of the night to let our thoughts roam. Neither one of us were prepared for that day, or the days to follow. We were a newly wed couple who had just been given on of the hardest blows to a marriage that no one ever thinks could happen. All we could do was lay there holding each other and quietly cry ourselves to sleep.